Hey Gay Marriage, thanks for angering God and forcing him to attack us with a moderate earthquake that almost made me spill my coffee!
FEMA still has a copy of the Earthquake Disaster Response Plan Thingy they created under the Bush administration.
It appears that the longest running, most brutal fashion week in modern history is finally coming to an end.
It appears that Brooklyn tree trimmers are big fans of Madonna’s “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina.”
Related note: I am no longer a fan of Brooklyn tree trimmers.
Why does the Internet only go out when I really need it (I need it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year)???!!!!!!
My least favorite thing about being sick is being sapped of the energy I need to win petty arguments with my girlfriend.
Meth Heads are infinitely more likable than people who tuck their shirts into their shorts.