“My new year’s resolution is to slap anyone who tells me they’re gonna change.” —Doug Lenox on Staying the Same
“People don’t seem to like it when my answer to their “When are you getting married?” question is “When are you getting divorced?” —Doug Lenox on Questions and Answers
“Nothing makes me feel older than the sight of a toddler using gps in their hybrid car.” —Doug Lenox on Aging and Driving
“Always remember: The quieter you utter a racist statement, the less racist it is.” —Doug Lenox on Holiday Gatherings
Some kids drew a menorah and a Christmas tree in chalk on the sidewalk in front of my building. As an atheist, I consider this a hate crime.
Gonna spend the holidays with my family this year, even though I think we peaked as a family three Christmases and two funerals ago.