“No matter the outcome of events in Egypt, there is no escaping the fact that the country essentially runs on a pyramid scheme.”
—Chuck, on the topic of the runs (via chuckhistory)
January 2011
22 posts
George Clooney is not safe for children
Sadly, George Clooney’s shameful flaunting of his malaria is certain to inspire kids everywhere to experiment with malaria.
“Never fire a gun in the shower. It will come back to haunt you.”
—Doug Lenox on Gun Control
Sundance hates the future of Art.
Proof: For the seventh year in a row, they rejected my stop motion/snowboarding/coming of age/porno, even though it keeps getting better and longer each time I submit it.
Just prank called a morgue.
I asked them if their refrigerator was running.
They said they didn’t have any refrigerators. They just use travel coolers with ice packs because it’s cheaper.
“I’m pretty sure if MLK were alive today, he’d be doing precisely what we’re all doing right now: celebrating the birthday of Kid Rock.”
—Doug Lenox on the decline of American culture.
“Nothing says I love you like a plastic surgery gift card.”
—Doug Lenox on Gifting
“Drinking alcohol is a great way to relieve the stress caused by your addiction to drinking alcohol.”
—Doug Lenox on Wellness
“My new Zodiac sign is the same as my old one. It’s: I DON’T FUCKING BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY!”
—Doug Lenox on Astrology
The next big thing in Hot Topic t-shirt designs.
Travelmastersizers →
chuckmccarthy.com
This is a new show idea Doug and I just came up with. Contact me if you want to executive produce it. No really… Seriously… Stop saying, “Yeah right.” I’m serious.
Genre: Comedy LOGLINE: Two friends adventures in capitalism and drinking. Travelmastersizers follows two friends, Ninja and Chuck, as they try to build a beer cooler empire. Ninja’s grandfather dies and he receives a fairly substantial inheritance, which he immediately pours into developing and producing a beer cooler/segway called the Travelmastersizer Master Cooler. The Travelmastersizer is the top of the line cooler… so far at the top of the line that no one can afford it, and his plans for beer cooler domination don’t include and forethought on distribution. Ninja brings his friend Chuck into the mix, to help him with marketing and sales. The two travel from trade-show to trade-show, meeting to meeting trying to generate interest in the Travelmastersizer. Chuck constantly tries to convince Ninja to scale back the Travelmastersizer, but Ninja is totally inflexible. Making matters worse, their efforts must stop any time there is a Steelers football game or (2-3 other sports teams). The show mixes scripted content with reality as all the trade-show public reactions etc. would be real people reacting to the price of the Travelmastersizer and the ridiculousness of its features. It seems that they will be ruined until a season finale phone call from actor Kiefer Sutherland promises to turn everything around. That’s right- Jack Bauer wants to invest… but there is a problem. Kiefer likes the Patriots…
“Home theaters are a great idea.”
—Abraham Lincoln
Added an interests section to my resume in an attempt to broaden my appeal.
My interests: money, women, and pottery.
“In an ideal world, the 2010 NYC Blizzard TV movie would feature Nic Cage as Bloomberg, and Mickey Rourke as the snow.”
—Doug Lenox on Improving Amerca
I’ve been away from my apartment for so long that I’m worried I’ve forgotten how to irritate the shit out of my girlfriend.
I’ve decided that this will be the year I get around to suing Napster for decimating the value of my REO Speedwagon CD collection.
This coming year, I vow to exercise less, drink more, and achieve as little as possible. Set attainable goals people!