Sadly, George Clooney’s shameful flaunting of his malaria is certain to inspire kids everywhere to experiment with malaria.
Proof: For the seventh year in a row, they rejected my stop motion/snowboarding/coming of age/porno, even though it keeps getting better and longer each time I submit it.
I asked them if their refrigerator was running.
They said they didn’t have any refrigerators. They just use travel coolers with ice packs because it’s cheaper.
My interests: money, women, and pottery.
I’ve been away from my apartment for so long that I’m worried I’ve forgotten how to irritate the shit out of my girlfriend.
I’ve decided that this will be the year I get around to suing Napster for decimating the value of my REO Speedwagon CD collection.
This coming year, I vow to exercise less, drink more, and achieve as little as possible. Set attainable goals people!