“I wonder if Bin Laden watched the Lost finale and I wonder if he saw it before the US because the time difference.” —Doug Lenox on The War on Terror
“Been in a bad mood all day, so I’ve decided to pay a visit to the DMV in an attempt to cheer myself up. I’ll let you know the instant I become overwhelmed by joy.” —
“The guy sitting next to me on the train has “stay gold” tattooed on his hands, but he’s only wearing silver. It’s hard to live up to our own standards.” —
“If I ever win an Oscar, I’m gonna have it melted down and turned into multiple Grammys.” —
“I decided against attending my graduation ceremony. Instead, I ate a bowl of Fruit Loops mixed with Apple Jacks, and submitted to be an extra in the upcoming Smurfs movie.” —Doug Lenox on Rites of Passage
“My cat likes her comedy the way she likes her food: Dry, and for ages 7+.” —Doug Lenox on the lack of humor amongst dogs.
“Be careful what you wish for… Especially if your wish is to be a quadriplegic.” —Doug Lenox on Wishful Thinking.
Just noticed that the religious zealot shouting biblical quotes on my train is wearing earplugs. That’s cheating.
Overheard in a NYC bar… Bartender: “He’s against people.” Drunk: “Who, Koch?” Bartender: “No, Obama.” Drunk: “Oh yeah, him.”