Trying to watch the Spanish language wildlife show playing on the TV at this taqueria, but I’m having trouble understanding what the leopards are saying.
Some people can’t hold their liquor. Other people can’t hold their lives. Those people live in California.
Today, while drinking at a biker bar, I met a lesbian named Sue.
Sue told me the best moment of her life was when she saw Kid Rock driving his Bentley in Simi Valley.
I don’t think Sue’s life has been overly awesome.
About to shower using the egg nog soap my mom got me for Christmas. Don’t worry, it’s non-alcoholic.
The shoulder pads in my Christmas sweater make me feel pretty tough.
I probably shouldn’t share this with the internet, but my mom owns The Last Boy Scout and Nothing But Trouble… On laserdisc.
My plane flight has been delayed due to a “maintenance issue.” I assume this means they’re refilling the scotch and updating the magazines for me.